


Aaron Burr's Blueprint to Being Without Burning

by shaybutter, shotsofvirtuosity (violinvigilante)



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dialogue, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Group Chat Fic, Hamildong, Multi, Other, Requested, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2016-07-11
Packaged: 2018-07-22 20:19:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7452649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shaybutter/pseuds/shaybutter, https://archiveofourown.org/users/violinvigilante/pseuds/shotsofvirtuosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Our favorite character, Aaron Burr, has always had his life planned out. In fact, the only reason things change is because of college. But please, don't let the thought of school scare you. I promise that watching Aaron's plans crash and burr-n will be hilarious. Especially because of the people that surrounds him daily.<br/>~~~</p>
<p>Or that one How-To fanfiction written with only dialogue and texts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How To: Approch All Abnormal Aliens (Or Deal With The Ones That Approach You)

**Author's Note:**

> Usernames (All of them up to and including George Washington are by flannelbees on Tumblr)
> 
> Alex: slamilton  
> John: shellcity  
> Lafayette: galacticparisian  
> Hercules: I-spy  
> Eliza: schuys-the-limit  
> Angelica: angelwings  
> Peggy: peggsandbacon  
> Maria: aceofhearts  
> Aaron: bullseye  
> Thomas: Franco-fashion  
> James M: madhatter  
> George W: Washingdone  
> Theo: theodozingoff  
> Dolley: prollydolley  
> James R: allabtthereynolds  
> Tris (OFC): triskaidekaphobia

"Hello! How are you today? I hope you found everything okay."

"Yeah, I di-" 

"My name is Alexander Hamilton. That's great to hear. I actually just moved here from the Caribbean, recently."

"Um."

"Oh, sorry. You looked at me like I'm weird and I couldn't tell if- that'll be $12.96- if it was due to my excitement or my accent so I took a guess. Do you have a membership?"

"Uh, yes. It's under the email of Burritscoldinhere@gmail.com."

"I can't find it under that one. Maybe its under a different email. I understand it seems like I have a million of them myself."

"Maybe you spelled it wrong."

"Excuse me? I know I'm a foreigner, but I have been studying English for a while now. Where do you people get off with being absolutely atrocious to people like that? No wonder-"

"No. My email is a pun. A play on my last name. So instead of B-R-R-R, it's spelled B-U-R-R."

"Oh. Here's your books."

"Goodbye, Alexander."

 

~~~

slamilton wants to message you.

bullseye: Who is this?

slamilton: It's Alex. From Office Depot.

bullseye: How'd you find my number?

slamilton: Well it was listed under your email in the system. How come you didn't tell me that you attend PCU? We should hang.

bullseye: I don't think that's necessary.

slamilton: Ofc it is. Meet me outside of your dorm in 15 minutes.

bullseye: How do you know where I live?  
-seen at 9:43 PM

~~~

slamiton has created a chat with galacticparisian, shellcity, bullseye, and I-spy.

shellcity: sup

galacticparisian: hi ;)

I-spy: HEYO!

shellcity: leaf no

galacticparisian: laf yes.

galacticparisian: also, im not a leaf. you better watch your phone john, before i check it for you.

I-spy: that was like, 2 different things.

slamilton: so is burr always that,,, 

shellcity: quiet, yes

I-spy: stoic, yes

galacticparisian: burr-ly, oui

I-spy: burr-ly? rlly?

galacticparisian: i could not think of a better word.

shellcity: 1 burr is anything but burly. if anything, he looks like he could be my cousin Shirley. or even like my sister Martha. If he had hair.

shellcity: guys?

slamilton: sorry, I'm laughing more than I should be

I-spy: is there a second point for your burr drag tag

bullseye: Yes, is there?

shellcity: I

galacticparisian: hello Aaron!

galacticparisian: you can't see me, but I have deceased myself.

I-spy: YOU KNOW HOW TO SPEAK ENGLISH

slamilton: Also, we /can/ see you.

shellcity: you diDNT TELL ME You adDED HiM?! 

slamilton: tbr I didn't think you'd immediately DRAG HIM JOHN 

bullseye: neither did I.

I-spy: yikes

galacticparisian: how do you say, yikes?

shellcity: yOU JusT SAid IT.

bullseye: yeeks

slamilton: yeEKS

I-spy: YEekS!!!!!

galacticparisian: YEEKS

shellcity: HE IS DESTROYING THE SANCTITY OF THE GC

bullseye: LET ME LIVE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's Kas and Tris. We decided to write this thing after a dream that Tris had about dragging Hamilton in order defend Burr. It's also why she is a character in the book. Um. We hope you like it. Hopefully it gets more exciting because we plan to move through the entire alphabet. Thanks, comment and add kudos if you have the time.


	2. How To: Babble to the Bestie's about the Brats (Or How Get People To Stop Roasting You)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protective Tris. That's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Burr has some social issues,,, and Tris is working on them.

" _Hey Aaron_!"

"Hello, Tris."

" _Are you feeling okay?_ "

"I..."

" _Yes?_ "

"I don't know."

" _Why? What happened, Aaron? Did someone hurt you? Was it that annoying Office Depot employee? I bet you he doesn't even have his green card._ "

"Not really. He's friends with Laurens' crew."

" _Makes sense, the easily-roasted have got to stick together._ "

"That's the thing, I think they roasted me. I'm not entirely sure because that's the way that those hooligans communicate with today's society."

" _Mhmmm..._ "

~~~~~~~~

triskaidekaphobia added schuys-the-limit, angelswings, peggsandbacon, theodozingoff, aceofhearts, prollydolley

triskaidekaphobia: YOOOOO

triskaidekaphobia: I have some concerns

schuys-the-limit: ????

angelswings: ?????

peggsandbacon: ??????

aceofhearts: are you okay?

prollydolley: you gucci?????

theodozingoff: is this about Aaron?

peggsandbacon: wOW

triskaidekaphobia: FIRSTLY

triskaidekaphobia: how daRE YOU ASSUME ALL MY URGENT GROUP CHATS ARE ABOUT AARON????

triskaidekaphobia: secondly

triskaidekaphobia: yes. yes it is.

theodozingoff: to be fair??? aaron is your favorite subject???

schuys-the-limit: i think they're cute.

peggsandbacon: what is the urgency

angelwings: WELL OEGGY,,,, THE URGENCY IS THAT I WANT TO BE ABLE TO LIVE TO SEE THE BURRIS WEDDING THANK

peggsandbacon: not you. and my name starts with a "p"

theodozingoff: pls I was making out with dolley

prollydolley: yes hello tis I omg ignore her

peggsandbacon: how could you even ignore dolly? She cute©©©,, also Angie im done and too old for this childs play

peggsandbacon: pls note how I not ONLY spelled your name right,,, but I also properly capitalized.

peggsandbacon: suck it.

triskaidekaphobia: bAcK tO ME!!! (thank you Angie for trying to stay on topic, oeggy you can't see me, but im visualizing your death and its blood and gore©

tyeodozingoff: did the rest of us fall of the earth orrr...???

triskaidekaphobia: aaron made "friends"!!!

schuys-the-limit: great!

triskaidekaphobia: not so fast (really Eliza, quotations are used for a reason)

prollydolley: oh????

triskaidekaphobia: his new friends are Laurens, Leaf, and Herc

schuys-the-limit: not so great!!! (also, yes I did see them, but I have no regard for them)

theodozingoff: why is this a concern

aceofhearts: yeah! He has friends!

triskaidekaphobia: QUOTATIONS!!!!!

triskaidekaphoba: This is an issue bc they are calling him Shirley

schuys-the-limit: like Johns cousin???

triskaidekaphobia: ig???? do I look like I know a Shirley. In fact, before now, I probably spent my time subconsciously avoiding "Shirley's".

aceofhearts: pls no

triskaidekaphobia: BUT NOT ANYMORE!!!! JOHN'S COUSIN WILL PAY!!

angelswings: for what? Being ugly?

aceofhearts: being roastable?

prollydolley: for being related to john

peggsandbacon: is anyone with her to keep her calm?

theodozingoff: OHNO

schuys-the-limit: ONE HOT MINUTE PLS I MUST SEND A TEXT TO MY MEN

aceofhearts: "her men"

angelswings: it's like a personal army i can't deal

~~~~~~

schuys-the-limit: I talked to Laf

peggsandbacon: and?

aceofhearts: anD?!

triskaidekaphobia: aND?!?!

schuys-the-limit: how much do you /need/ to know

triskaidekaphobia: Eliza I need all of it

schuys-the-limit: Uh well...Alex is currently still calling him Shirley. Aaron doesn't know what it means

triskaidekaphobia: he looks nothing like Shirley!!!!!

theodozingoff: oh god

aceofhearts: what does she even look like?!!

schuys-the-limit: SHIRLEY'S UGLY!!! THE LORD MESSED UP WITH HER

triskaidekaphobia: the lord messed up with the entire Laurens family if. you. ask. me.

triskaidekaphobia: btw, where do you guys live

peggsandbacon: pls no

aceofhearts: DO NOT TELL HER

triskaidekaphobia: tuRN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANNA TALK

schuys-the-limit: I

theodozingoff: don't

triskaidekaphobia: it's okay I'll find it through find friends

prollydolley: oh god

triskaidekaphobia: and thEN I WILL HURT THEM. MAYBE RIP THEM LIMB FROM LIMB

prollydolley: oH G O D

angelwings: they live in Manhattan. I'll pm you the address!!!

schuys-the-limit: ANGELICA

aceofhearts: Why'd you tell her?

angelwings: Bc I'm in London. And there's no good gossip.

aceofhearts: status update: currently putting on black dress

schuys-the-limit: S a MEee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! It's Tris and Kas! Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy this chapter. They get better. Thanks for reading. Means you care:) <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really happy that you're reading this note. It means you care. :)


End file.
